I can hardly believe that it's been a full year since the first symptoms of this dragon called cancer appeared. It's a balancing act at this time thinking "I'm going toward remission-now things can seem normal again" vs. "I'm going toward remission, we're not done yet, I'm still on 2 chemos and another strong drug to keep this at bay, and I have to still monitor how much I can do." That's never been a strong point of mine, and this is where Pat has been a huge help. He enjoys saying no, whereas I agonize over it. He has protected me from so many extra activities this last year, and I think "Geeze-this poor guy is going to get sick of babysitting me at some point." A couple of friends are trying to counsel me in this area,(how to decline things) but I think in general that the male gender is the best at it. I can lay the blame on Pat and say "No, Pat doesn't think I should...", and he doesn't care!!! I think he kind of thinks it's fun sometimes to have the reputation of "the Ogre". Maybe I'll grow up someday and stand on my own feet...we can all hope...
We had an appointment with Dr. Kenyon yesterday. Everything looks good from the outside still-no enlarged lymph nodes anywhere, no swollen liver, no external signs of cancer. My last CEA test was a little higher at 4.9, but he's ok with it fluctuating between 3 and 5. The desire is to keep after it(the cancer) for this year until it is gone completely and can't remember my address I guess. Dr. K. says I can go with no chemo for the weeks of Thanksgiving and Christmas-he says he's letting me off for good behavior. Maybe it helped that I took him a huge piece of Pumpkin Ginger Cheesecake that Nicole had just made, and a big Ghiradelli Chocolate Truffle that Valerie had made. I'm not beneath bribery for these people who have my life in their hands. (We had a couple of birthdays that somehow got trounced on this year and had to compensate.) Do you people know how HARD it is to not eat sugar with these girls around??? "...But we have to make the gingersnap cookies for the crust, and there are some leftover..." I've been good though. If I keep up my protein, and eat a LOT of fresh vegetables (red peppers rival any candy) it helps a ton. I'm getting more and more sold out on these dietary guidelines as time goes on, and it makes it easier to stay committed to it.
Well, needless to say, the Lord has been faithful beyond what I could've imagined, with my body's handling of these toxic drugs, Dad's death and the ability to be with him as much as I was, my immediate family holding it together for the last year-there is a lot to be grateful for. We're praying still for total remission, (that lasts and lasts) and that my body can tolerate this next year of treatment. Hopefully we'll be able to plea bargain for some more breaks in the chemo here and there-wisdom is so much needed here-as is God's hand. It's all really in His court. Always has been, always will be. And a few treats thrown in for the hospital crew can't hurt!
Thanks for your thoughts and prayers-please keep the doctors, radiologists, pathologists, nurses, herbalists, naturopaths, etc. etc. in your prayers. They are working hard on all of our behalf, and carry a big load! Hopefully they can all work together one fine day!
Love you, Love one another,
Jeanne H.
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