The spotlight moves to Sarah, now, literally. She participated in the Oregon State Fair 4H Fashion Revue last weekend.
We have attached a link to the Statesman-Journal newspaper's website that has a photo of her in action: http://www.statesmanjournal.com/apps/pbcs.dll/gallery?Site=J0&Date=20080823&Category=STATEFAIR&ArtNo=808230804&Ref=PH&Params=Itemnr=18
The dress she modeled is the dress she made, and wore, for Nicole's wedding in February. As well, she and another girl from our town were responsible for organizing this year's event at the State Fair.
Good Job Sarah.
Pat (proud Dad)
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why...did Jeanne have to die? Why did she die, and not someone else? Why did she get cancer? Why did she live 48 years, and not 88? or 68, or 18 or 8? *
Why...did such a beautiful person, who so lovingly touched so many people, and was only beginning to touch so many others, die?
Why?
Why?
Why?
A chaplain/friend said I am asking the unanswerable question. He said this side of heaven, I will never know the answer. As much as I know his statement is true, it does not satisfy my need. In fact, like so many of my recent experiences, there is a huge disconnect between the answers that my head understands, and my heart comprehends. I wonder if this is more difficult for me because I tend toward the cerebral, while grief emanates from the soul.
I visited Mary's Peak on our anniversary. It was a very emotionally draining and cathartic time. The Peak has always been a special place for Jeanne and I. As I was leaving, I found my self saying goodbye. Goodbye to our memories there, to the significance of that special place, and yes, I even said goodbye to Jeanne. Everything in my spirit has resisted acknowledging she is gone. (the old head/heart struggle again.) But, she is gone physically. Not since the memorial service have I felt such a release, nor has her absence been so dramatic.
Pat
* I may seem ungrateful for the years I did have with her. For those who have endured the loss of a very young person, I apologize if I seem insensitive.
Why?
Why?
Why...did Jeanne have to die? Why did she die, and not someone else? Why did she get cancer? Why did she live 48 years, and not 88? or 68, or 18 or 8? *
Why...did such a beautiful person, who so lovingly touched so many people, and was only beginning to touch so many others, die?
Why?
Why?
Why?
A chaplain/friend said I am asking the unanswerable question. He said this side of heaven, I will never know the answer. As much as I know his statement is true, it does not satisfy my need. In fact, like so many of my recent experiences, there is a huge disconnect between the answers that my head understands, and my heart comprehends. I wonder if this is more difficult for me because I tend toward the cerebral, while grief emanates from the soul.
I visited Mary's Peak on our anniversary. It was a very emotionally draining and cathartic time. The Peak has always been a special place for Jeanne and I. As I was leaving, I found my self saying goodbye. Goodbye to our memories there, to the significance of that special place, and yes, I even said goodbye to Jeanne. Everything in my spirit has resisted acknowledging she is gone. (the old head/heart struggle again.) But, she is gone physically. Not since the memorial service have I felt such a release, nor has her absence been so dramatic.
Pat
* I may seem ungrateful for the years I did have with her. For those who have endured the loss of a very young person, I apologize if I seem insensitive.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Anniversary
Our Anniversary is coming soon. It would be 27 years of marriage if Jeanne were alive. Yet, I still feel married, and still wear my wedding ring. I keep her wedding ring on my key chain.The photo was taken on our wedding day, Aug 9th, 1981, atop Mary's Peak, which is West of Corvallis.
The pastor who officiated called it the "Field Fairy " wedding. I still contend Jeanne and I were not hippies. Looking at our photos, and the lifestyle we led, I can see why arguing with anyone is futile.
Looking back over the last few months, I realize I was running on adrenaline the first month after Jeanne died. I slept little, and I kept myself constantly busy. After I returned to work, and things became routine, at least a new routine, fatigue began to hit hard. I still tried to maintain the same pace, and my body and heart (soul) had other plans. Now, I am trying to give myself the freedom to slow down, and not expect so much of myself. But, I do not do it consistently.
I have been attending a support group, as well as seeing a counselor/chaplain on occasion. I had no idea this would be this hard. In fact, it seems to be getting harder, not easier. Everything I read, and hear from others tells me everything I am experiencing is normal. Is that supposed to be a relief?
To those of you that I see and run into, thank you for your understanding and consideration as I sometimes avoid you, and other times talk your ear off.
Pat
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Athletes in Action!
What a fun weekend! On Saturday, Daniel ran the 100 and 200 meter dash at the State Special Olympics in Hillsboro. Then on Sunday, my son Robert, and I rode together in the Livestrong Challenge.
Pictured are:
- Daniel crossing the finish line in the 200.
- Robert and I after the bike ride.
(thank you Sarah for the photos)
Thank you all for your donations and support for our ride, and more importantly, in helping fight cancer.
Thank you,
Pat
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Special Olympics Track Meet
Friday, May 23, 2008
Livestrong Challenge
My son Robert, and I, will be riding our bikes in the Livestrong Challenge on June 29th in Portland/Beaverton, Oregon. Lance Armstrong began this event to fight cancer.
This is the first time Robert or I have done anything like this, so we are excited and apprehensive at the same time. We are starting our "training" soon, but luckily, we have ridden our bikes enough we are in fair shape already. (OK, Robert is in better shape than me!) We have chosen the ten mile bike ride. Its a ride, not a race, at least to us.
So, we are asking for you to pray we can do this, safely. As well, are you willing to contribute financially to our fund raising goal? You may contribute to either Robert's or my goal.
I am attaching links below. I included a multiple site options just in case one does not work.
Thank you for your support!
"Hazleton Team" page
https://www.kintera.org/faf/search/searchTeamPart.asp?ievent=262626&lis=1&kntae262626=581B5C5769B947ECBE238CBEE78372F7&supId=0&team=2800189&cj=Y
Personal page
https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=262626&lis=1&kntae262626=581B5C5769B947ECBE238CBEE78372F7&supId=179190001
Livestrong website
http://portland08.livestrong.org/faf/search/searchParticipants.asp?ievent=262626
My brother recommended Lance Armstrong's autobiography, It's Not About the Bike: My Journey Back to Life. Jeanne admired his tenacity in fighting cancer, which she shared. We found ourselves following his Tour de France races closer than most sporting events. Last year, I read about the Livestrong event, but valid and not-so-valid reasons/excuses prevented me from participating.
This is the first time Robert or I have done anything like this, so we are excited and apprehensive at the same time. We are starting our "training" soon, but luckily, we have ridden our bikes enough we are in fair shape already. (OK, Robert is in better shape than me!) We have chosen the ten mile bike ride. Its a ride, not a race, at least to us.
So, we are asking for you to pray we can do this, safely. As well, are you willing to contribute financially to our fund raising goal? You may contribute to either Robert's or my goal.
I am attaching links below. I included a multiple site options just in case one does not work.
Thank you for your support!
"Hazleton Team" page
https://www.kintera.org/faf/search/searchTeamPart.asp?ievent=262626&lis=1&kntae262626=581B5C5769B947ECBE238CBEE78372F7&supId=0&team=2800189&cj=Y
Personal page
https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=262626&lis=1&kntae262626=581B5C5769B947ECBE238CBEE78372F7&supId=179190001
Livestrong website
http://portland08.livestrong.org/faf/search/searchParticipants.asp?ievent=262626
Monday, May 19, 2008
"How are you doing?"
I heard from of few friends, that they were reluctant to call or talk, or even ask how I, or we, are doing. Yet, they also want to be sure I have not gone completely mad. (After reading this, you may think I have!). I think they (you?) are afraid to bring up anything that may set me back. I can understand how awkward they may feel, but I do not have a good answer on what is right to do. I hope this post will help address some of your concerns.
"How are you doing?"
We get asked this often. My answer to the question is usually the same, "I am doing ok" or, "some days better than others." But, that is really only the tip of the iceberg.
I cannot speak for the kids, entirely, but they feel the same way as I do, in varying degrees. When I first drafted this blog posting, I wrote "the kids are okay, and if they do have a hard time, they bounce back faster." They informed this was not necessarily true.
On some days, I am doing ok. That is if you define "OK" as I made it to work and back, the kids are fed, I made sure they do their school work, and we all got some sleep. Other days are not OK. In fact, they can be downright terrible. I have never faced anything this overwhelming! I have experienced fear and depression before, but nothing this debilitating, or unpredictable. I don't necessarily feel better if I cry, but I feel worse if I don't.
One book I read said grief is like waves on the ocean. I can usually see them coming, and may be able to step over the waves (of grief). But, if I ever turn my back on grief, a wave may completely wash over me. Then I wonder, "Wow, where did that come from?" As if I do not know. Like the ocean waves, grief's effects may not be apparent on any single day, but over months and years, it has life-altering effects.
"How are you doing?"
We get asked this often. My answer to the question is usually the same, "I am doing ok" or, "some days better than others." But, that is really only the tip of the iceberg.
I cannot speak for the kids, entirely, but they feel the same way as I do, in varying degrees. When I first drafted this blog posting, I wrote "the kids are okay, and if they do have a hard time, they bounce back faster." They informed this was not necessarily true.
On some days, I am doing ok. That is if you define "OK" as I made it to work and back, the kids are fed, I made sure they do their school work, and we all got some sleep. Other days are not OK. In fact, they can be downright terrible. I have never faced anything this overwhelming! I have experienced fear and depression before, but nothing this debilitating, or unpredictable. I don't necessarily feel better if I cry, but I feel worse if I don't.
One book I read said grief is like waves on the ocean. I can usually see them coming, and may be able to step over the waves (of grief). But, if I ever turn my back on grief, a wave may completely wash over me. Then I wonder, "Wow, where did that come from?" As if I do not know. Like the ocean waves, grief's effects may not be apparent on any single day, but over months and years, it has life-altering effects.
I never understood the "and the two shall become one" concept of marriage as much as I do now. I lost a part of me when Jeanne left. When I grieve, I also grieve the loss of "us."
Another thing I notice is how universally compassionate folks are about death. People who do not know me or Jeanne well, or who do know us, but are polar opposites in philosophy, religion, politics, or whatever, express their sincere sorrow and condolences. Birth seem to be one of the other events in life that is a great leveler of humankind.
I will be attending a grief group soon. I do so with trepidation, but also some eagerness! Eagerness? I guess I want to be around people that are going through the same thing. I am told this may help me feel more normal.
If you live locally, and want to visit Jeanne's gravesite, the marker, or headstone is there now. It is flat on the ground, so you will need to look for a few landmarks to find it. After you enter the Oak Lawn Cemetery, continue to drive straight ahead to the far side of the cemetery. After the road turns downhill, look for the the oak trees on the right. There is a stone bench next to one of the trees ( I think it is the fourth tree.) Jeanne's gravesite is a few steps from the bench. There are vases if you want to bring flowers.
Thank you all for your continued prayers and support!
Thank you,
Pat Hazleton
Another thing I notice is how universally compassionate folks are about death. People who do not know me or Jeanne well, or who do know us, but are polar opposites in philosophy, religion, politics, or whatever, express their sincere sorrow and condolences. Birth seem to be one of the other events in life that is a great leveler of humankind.
I will be attending a grief group soon. I do so with trepidation, but also some eagerness! Eagerness? I guess I want to be around people that are going through the same thing. I am told this may help me feel more normal.
If you live locally, and want to visit Jeanne's gravesite, the marker, or headstone is there now. It is flat on the ground, so you will need to look for a few landmarks to find it. After you enter the Oak Lawn Cemetery, continue to drive straight ahead to the far side of the cemetery. After the road turns downhill, look for the the oak trees on the right. There is a stone bench next to one of the trees ( I think it is the fourth tree.) Jeanne's gravesite is a few steps from the bench. There are vases if you want to bring flowers.
Thank you all for your continued prayers and support!
Thank you,
Pat Hazleton
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
A change of focus
"We originally started this blog to provide the many concerned and caring persons, like you, a method to stay up-to-date on our family..."
These words have been the introduction of this blog, (in the left sidebar) for over three years. Since Jeanne's death, I have contemplated whether or not to continue to use the blog. I mentally wrote and re-wrote a "farewell" message. After thinking on it more, I decided I would continue to use the site, but with news about all of us. It was appropriate the blog was focused on Jeanne. Just as the focus of our family's daily lives is changing, so the blog will reflect a transition. This is not to say that we will not write about Jeanne. In fact, I am preparing a new blog posting with some memories of Jeanne shared by others at the memorial service.
As well, I recently changed the name of the our Hazleton Medical bank account to the Hazleton Memorial account. I have deposited all of the contributions to the Jeanne Hazleton Midwife Education fund into this account until I have a plan for dispersing these funds. (more on that in a later blog posting.) I made the change because I feel we are no longer in need of financial contributions, and ideally, I hope to maintain an education fund for an extended period of time.
Jeanne's use of the blog touched many people. I just ran into someone yesterday that expressed her appreciation for Jeanne's openness and humor in her writings. This person did not know Jeanne personally, but she felt very close as a result of this blog. I wish that I could say my entries will be so enlightening. I have always tended to be more private than Jeanne. As well, our writing styles are different. For instance, she used to say I used too many commas, and I was overly concerned about punctuation, etc. (Hey, I was an English major for two years. ) Much to Jeanne's chagrin, I would sometimes edit her writing before we posted it on the blog. After she told me how everyone loved reading her postings, even the unedited versions, I stopped muddling, and let her have at it. It's just one of those things that I look back on and wish I had not been so uptight about, and focused on more important things....like her.
Thank you and may God bless you,
Pat Hazleton
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Thank you for attending the Memorial Service
First, I want to thank all of you for coming. It was a blessing to me and the family to see the community gathered in one place, for the purpose of honoring Jeanne. Some of you spoke during the service, or to me afterwards, describing the impact, the indelible mark, Jeanne has made on your life. Many more wrote some wonderful prayers or memories that we read later. There were beautiful plants given to us as well. I have yet to get through all of the cards.
Jeanne, in her humble manner, would have tried to defer the attention away from her to others.
In a later blog I may highlight some of the memories that you all shared.
There were many tears, but they were tears of sadness mixed with joy.
Thanks also to all that traveled great distances to come to our side. Even those locally who came sacrificed some time away from work, or children, or some other priority to attend. We thank you.
We have had many positive comments about the slide show. By the way, that was my brother in the front row laughing so hard each time he saw a picture of the young Jeanne and the bearded Pat. I have had a request to post the photos on the blog. I am not sure I want to do this. If there are folks that did not see it, maybe we could re-play it sometime, somewhere?
It was fun to compile all the photos, but alot of work. I encourage you to keep your photos somewhat organized so that you do not go through the same frenzy we did. But even so, it was worth it.
Thank you for all the kindness and sympathy that you have expressed. I guess I should officially lift the "no-calls" request. This does not mean we will always be able or willing to talk.
Lastly, there are more offers of help than their are needs to fill. So, if you do not hear from me, it is not because we did not seek out help. A few weeks back, one person asked if there was anything he could do to help. I replied, "Make it all go away." He said "If I could, I would." My statement carried more pain than I realized. His answer was full of compassion and helplessness.
I think his reponse captured what most of us mean when we ask the question. We know ultimately we are powerless to fulfill the greatest need, so we want to do something, anything, to ease the burden. I am discovering there is some burden that only I carry. And, more importantly, God is the only one who can take it away.
thank you,
Pat
Jeanne, in her humble manner, would have tried to defer the attention away from her to others.
In a later blog I may highlight some of the memories that you all shared.
There were many tears, but they were tears of sadness mixed with joy.
Thanks also to all that traveled great distances to come to our side. Even those locally who came sacrificed some time away from work, or children, or some other priority to attend. We thank you.
We have had many positive comments about the slide show. By the way, that was my brother in the front row laughing so hard each time he saw a picture of the young Jeanne and the bearded Pat. I have had a request to post the photos on the blog. I am not sure I want to do this. If there are folks that did not see it, maybe we could re-play it sometime, somewhere?
It was fun to compile all the photos, but alot of work. I encourage you to keep your photos somewhat organized so that you do not go through the same frenzy we did. But even so, it was worth it.
Thank you for all the kindness and sympathy that you have expressed. I guess I should officially lift the "no-calls" request. This does not mean we will always be able or willing to talk.
Lastly, there are more offers of help than their are needs to fill. So, if you do not hear from me, it is not because we did not seek out help. A few weeks back, one person asked if there was anything he could do to help. I replied, "Make it all go away." He said "If I could, I would." My statement carried more pain than I realized. His answer was full of compassion and helplessness.
I think his reponse captured what most of us mean when we ask the question. We know ultimately we are powerless to fulfill the greatest need, so we want to do something, anything, to ease the burden. I am discovering there is some burden that only I carry. And, more importantly, God is the only one who can take it away.
thank you,
Pat
Friday, March 28, 2008
Memorial Service
Jeanne's memorial service will be held on Tuesday, April 1st, 1:00 PM at Suburban Christian Church.
Suburban Christian Church is located at:
2760 SW 53rd St.
Corvallis, Oregon 97333
For directions, visit the church website:
http://www.suburbanchristian.com/directions.html
or contact the church office at:
phone: (541)753-2802, email: office@suburbanchurch.com
Also, see the link below for the obituary published in the Sunday edition of the Corvallis Gazette-Times.
http://www.gazettetimes.com/articles/2008/03/30/news/obituaries/1obi01_hazleton.txt
Thursday, March 27, 2008
March 27th
This blog is being written by Steve Lee, Pat and Jeanne' s pastor.
This morning just before 11:00 am Jeanne went home to be with the Lord. She took a turn for the worse last night and died peacefully with Pat and their children gathered around her bed.
Today is Jeanne's birthday. Her day of entry into heaven will be the same as her day of entry into the world.
Pat and the kids are doing well. There is a lot of sadness, but they are relying on each other and on their faith in the Lord.
Pat requests that no calls* be made to the home to allow them some time to work through the deep feelings they are going through. They will send out information regarding a memorial or funeral service as soon as arrangements are made.
*(Pat here...But if you are a family member, please call. If we do not answer, we will call you back as soon as feasible. )
This morning just before 11:00 am Jeanne went home to be with the Lord. She took a turn for the worse last night and died peacefully with Pat and their children gathered around her bed.
Today is Jeanne's birthday. Her day of entry into heaven will be the same as her day of entry into the world.
Pat and the kids are doing well. There is a lot of sadness, but they are relying on each other and on their faith in the Lord.
Pat requests that no calls* be made to the home to allow them some time to work through the deep feelings they are going through. They will send out information regarding a memorial or funeral service as soon as arrangements are made.
*(Pat here...But if you are a family member, please call. If we do not answer, we will call you back as soon as feasible. )
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Happy Birthday Jeanne!
Hey all, Jeanne's birthday is Thursday, March 27th.
Please see announcement below. If you have questions, please contact office@suburbanchurch.com
If you cannot attend, please feel free to send a card to our home address, or to the Suburban Church office (see contact information in March 9th blog posting.) And, please no gifts.
Thank you,
Pat
Please see announcement below. If you have questions, please contact office@suburbanchurch.com
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JEANNE HAZLETON
We are planning a special surprise birthday gift for Jeanne Hazleton!! If you want to be a part of this gift, please drop in to Red Horse Coffee Company at 308 SW Third Street in Corvallis on Monday, March 24, between 5:00 p.m. and 8:00 p.m. There will be birthday cake, birthday balloons and a no-host coffee bar. Feel free to bring a birthday card for Jeanne and be prepared to say 'Happy Birthday' to Jeanne on video -- along with any other good wishes you'd like to share! Our videographer will later edit and 'dress-up' our video presentation to give to Jeanne on her special day later in the week. Jeanne will not be at the coffee shop, but your presence and wishes added to the video gift will mean a lot to her when she sees it on her actual birthday!
Please pass this on to everyone -- EXCEPT JEANNE!
If you cannot attend, please feel free to send a card to our home address, or to the Suburban Church office (see contact information in March 9th blog posting.) And, please no gifts.
Thank you,
Pat
Thursday, March 13, 2008
March 18th update
Jeanne is resting much more comfortably now that we have an appropriate bed for her. Hospice delivered a "hospital" bed to our home last week. She is enjoying the ability to adjust the positions in the bed. As well, they brought an air pressure mattress, which gives her much needed support.
She has not taken any pain medication for over a week, now. Her biggest discomfort is caused by the fluid build-up in her abdomen. We have taken her to the hospital four times over the past four weeks to have the fluid drained (called a paracentesis). But, we are finding she needs these done more frequently, and the volume of fluid drawn is increasing. The first two were done ten days apart. Now, we are finding she cannot go more than five days. (sorry, if this is too much information for you.)
I imagine many of you are missing Jeanne writing these blog posts. My updates are so spartan in comparison. So, I will try to be more descriptive.
Let me start by saying Jeanne still has very much her sense of humor and wit, but more so, her care and kindness toward others is still evident. She is very tired, though, and spends her most of her days in the bed. She gets up on occasion to raid the refrigerator, or stoke the wood stove. She is not as strong as physically as she used to be, so I prefer to be with her if she does get out of bed. I also prefer to not leave her alone, but she wants us to all leave at least for a while , so she can have peace and quiet.
She said I was hovering around her. So, I have tried to back off. At least she did not say I was smothering her!
Everyone has been incredibly generous with their support, prayers, and kindness. There are more offers of assistance than we have needs to fulfill.
We have received many emails, cards, and letters expressing deep felt care and concern for Jeanne. She cherishes each one.
She has not taken any pain medication for over a week, now. Her biggest discomfort is caused by the fluid build-up in her abdomen. We have taken her to the hospital four times over the past four weeks to have the fluid drained (called a paracentesis). But, we are finding she needs these done more frequently, and the volume of fluid drawn is increasing. The first two were done ten days apart. Now, we are finding she cannot go more than five days. (sorry, if this is too much information for you.)
I imagine many of you are missing Jeanne writing these blog posts. My updates are so spartan in comparison. So, I will try to be more descriptive.
Let me start by saying Jeanne still has very much her sense of humor and wit, but more so, her care and kindness toward others is still evident. She is very tired, though, and spends her most of her days in the bed. She gets up on occasion to raid the refrigerator, or stoke the wood stove. She is not as strong as physically as she used to be, so I prefer to be with her if she does get out of bed. I also prefer to not leave her alone, but she wants us to all leave at least for a while , so she can have peace and quiet.
She said I was hovering around her. So, I have tried to back off. At least she did not say I was smothering her!
Everyone has been incredibly generous with their support, prayers, and kindness. There are more offers of assistance than we have needs to fulfill.
We have received many emails, cards, and letters expressing deep felt care and concern for Jeanne. She cherishes each one.
Thank you,
Pat Hazleton
Sunday, March 09, 2008
March 9th, 2008
Considering the seriousness of the latest news, I will try to keep you updated more often. (If you have not read the March 5th update, please do so before reading further.)
Thank you all for praying for us over this past week...and month, and years!
Jeanne has been resting at home this past week. She does NOT need around the clock care or anything like that. But, we are trying to make life easier for her, by getting her food, water, etc., so she does not need to get up much.
Early in the week, her pain was uncomfortable enough she needed some pain medication. The drugs ease the pain, but one drawback is they make her tired and/or groggy. The last few days she has not needed much, if any, medication. Jeanne is scheduled for a paracentesis on Monday to relieve the abdominal pressure from the fluid build-up.
Her brother took her on a drive to the Coast last Saturday. The weather was beautiful, they spent quality time together, and she was able to ward-off the cabin-fever that was beginning to set in.
I ask you to continue to refrain from calling or visiting without first receiving an email or phone call from me letting you know when to visit. Thanks to you all who have honored our wishes, as hard as it is. The best way to contact us is via email, or to send a card or letter. If you do not have our address, please send to Suburban Christian Church, at office@suburbanchurch.com, or 2760 SW 53rd St. Corvallis, Oregon 97333. They will forward your message to us.
I want to reiterate the need for Jeanne to have undisturbed rest. Last week, I saw first-hand how much even short visits, or the phone ringing, took their toll on her. I am trying to find a balance with giving Jeanne quiet time, and also to provide her some fellowship time with close friends.
Meanwhile, we are trying to keep life as normal as possible. Daniel and Robert are still participating in their respective basketball teams, and baseball is just around the corner for Robert. Sarah is, as are the boys, still doing homeschooling. She is anxious to get her driver's permit soon, too. Valerie is busy helping us out, as well as stay committed to her other paid and volunteer jobs. And Nicole, now Nicole Zimmerman, seems to be adjusting well to to married life.
The support from our everyone, relatives, friends, church members, and the community has been a blessing. Thank you for all of your help.
Thank you all and please continue to join me in praying for a miracle of healing, while we acknowledge if God chooses to take Jeanne soon, we may never understand why until we can be there too.
Love,
Pat
Thank you all for praying for us over this past week...and month, and years!
Jeanne has been resting at home this past week. She does NOT need around the clock care or anything like that. But, we are trying to make life easier for her, by getting her food, water, etc., so she does not need to get up much.
Early in the week, her pain was uncomfortable enough she needed some pain medication. The drugs ease the pain, but one drawback is they make her tired and/or groggy. The last few days she has not needed much, if any, medication. Jeanne is scheduled for a paracentesis on Monday to relieve the abdominal pressure from the fluid build-up.
Her brother took her on a drive to the Coast last Saturday. The weather was beautiful, they spent quality time together, and she was able to ward-off the cabin-fever that was beginning to set in.
I ask you to continue to refrain from calling or visiting without first receiving an email or phone call from me letting you know when to visit. Thanks to you all who have honored our wishes, as hard as it is. The best way to contact us is via email, or to send a card or letter. If you do not have our address, please send to Suburban Christian Church, at office@suburbanchurch.com, or 2760 SW 53rd St. Corvallis, Oregon 97333. They will forward your message to us.
I want to reiterate the need for Jeanne to have undisturbed rest. Last week, I saw first-hand how much even short visits, or the phone ringing, took their toll on her. I am trying to find a balance with giving Jeanne quiet time, and also to provide her some fellowship time with close friends.
Meanwhile, we are trying to keep life as normal as possible. Daniel and Robert are still participating in their respective basketball teams, and baseball is just around the corner for Robert. Sarah is, as are the boys, still doing homeschooling. She is anxious to get her driver's permit soon, too. Valerie is busy helping us out, as well as stay committed to her other paid and volunteer jobs. And Nicole, now Nicole Zimmerman, seems to be adjusting well to to married life.
The support from our everyone, relatives, friends, church members, and the community has been a blessing. Thank you for all of your help.
Thank you all and please continue to join me in praying for a miracle of healing, while we acknowledge if God chooses to take Jeanne soon, we may never understand why until we can be there too.
Love,
Pat
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
March 5th, 2008 update
Pat here again, with an update.
Jeanne and I met with the doctor on Monday, and he said Jeanne's liver is failing. This means she will slowly lose liver function. There is nothing he can offer to treat the cancer, without causing more damage. He estimates she may have only few months to live and possibly shorter.
After reading that last sentence, you may be reeling, or sorrowful, or feeling any number of emotions. Our emotions are all over the place, too. But, despite it all, we have not given up hope, and we feel at peace with whatever happens. We do not have false hope, and we are not in denial that this is serious and life-threatening. We have called-in hospice services, but we also will be praying for God's healing.
Please do not call us just yet. We have had a busy many days, and the next few will also be. As well, Jeanne is very tired due mostly to the effects of the pain medications. We know you want to pour out your love to us. Our family needs to "circle the wagons" so to speak for the time being.
Thank you and love you all,
Sunday, March 02, 2008
March 2, 2008
(Pat here, giving this update)
On Friday, March 29th, Jeanne’s bilirubin count was high again, so high the doctor told her to get to the ER right away. After an ultrasound scan, they were not able to find a blocked bile duct, or any apparent cause. So, they sent us home. We have an appointment on Monday, March 3rd, to see our oncologist. We ask for your prayers as to the next course we should take.
If you are like me, you have many questions. So, let me give you a bit more history, which will hopefully not create too many more questions.
A few weeks ago, Jeanne was hospitalized due to concerns relating to a high bilirubin count of 4.2. (Bilirubin is produced in our liver. When our body cannot excrete it properly, it overflows to our bloodstream. The physical effect is a person skin becomes yellow-ish. If you ever had a child with jaundice, you know the appearance.)
While Jeanne was hospitalized, the counts dropped without any intervention. We left the hospital more concerned about the fluid building up in her abdomen than the bilirubin levels. So, later that week, she underwent a procedure called a paracentesis to relieve the pressure in her abdomen. Jeanne nick- named it a “belly tap.”
Fast forward two weeks, the fluid built-up again, so she went in for another paracentesis. Less than an hour after the procedure, the doc called to say the blood tests from that morning indicated the bilirubin at 10.8. So, back to the hospital we go, only to be sent home after a few hours.
Usually, I am pleased when an emergency room doctor says to go home. In this case, Jeanne was leaving with no change in her condition, and no remedies offered, except for some pain medication. When I asked the ER doctor what the cause may be, he suspected the “tumor load” on her liver. He said our oncologist would take it from there, at our next appointment.
So, off to Portland tomorrow, Monday, March 3rd. We are not sure what he will say, but we do not feel anxious. No doubt because of all of your prayers.
Thank you,
Pat
On Friday, March 29th, Jeanne’s bilirubin count was high again, so high the doctor told her to get to the ER right away. After an ultrasound scan, they were not able to find a blocked bile duct, or any apparent cause. So, they sent us home. We have an appointment on Monday, March 3rd, to see our oncologist. We ask for your prayers as to the next course we should take.
If you are like me, you have many questions. So, let me give you a bit more history, which will hopefully not create too many more questions.
A few weeks ago, Jeanne was hospitalized due to concerns relating to a high bilirubin count of 4.2. (Bilirubin is produced in our liver. When our body cannot excrete it properly, it overflows to our bloodstream. The physical effect is a person skin becomes yellow-ish. If you ever had a child with jaundice, you know the appearance.)
While Jeanne was hospitalized, the counts dropped without any intervention. We left the hospital more concerned about the fluid building up in her abdomen than the bilirubin levels. So, later that week, she underwent a procedure called a paracentesis to relieve the pressure in her abdomen. Jeanne nick- named it a “belly tap.”
Fast forward two weeks, the fluid built-up again, so she went in for another paracentesis. Less than an hour after the procedure, the doc called to say the blood tests from that morning indicated the bilirubin at 10.8. So, back to the hospital we go, only to be sent home after a few hours.
Usually, I am pleased when an emergency room doctor says to go home. In this case, Jeanne was leaving with no change in her condition, and no remedies offered, except for some pain medication. When I asked the ER doctor what the cause may be, he suspected the “tumor load” on her liver. He said our oncologist would take it from there, at our next appointment.
So, off to Portland tomorrow, Monday, March 3rd. We are not sure what he will say, but we do not feel anxious. No doubt because of all of your prayers.
Thank you,
Pat
Monday, February 18, 2008
February update, 2008
A lot's been happening (as usual) around here. Robert and Daniel are both in basketball, they did another Gamma Knife treatment on my brain on January 23rd up in Portland, Sarah fell two stories out of a loft apartment, and the wedding happens this Friday night. We applied to become guardians of our son Daniel, who turned 18 on December 1st and also applied for Social Security benefits for him (lots of appointments and paperwork on the above.) That about covers it, except that I did land in the hospital this last Monday and Tuesday due to a high bilirubin count. Thankfully it came down on it's own, and we were able to return home after just a CT scan and an ultrasound. I had some fluid in my abdomen that the doctor thinks may be from the radiation to the brain, the steroids (to reduce the brain's swelling, post radiation), and the toxicity of this last chemo that I was on. All of that is pretty tough on the liver, and it evidently can make it put out some "I'm unhappy" fluid. I went to the hospital here in town to have them remove the fluid, and they'll run it through a bunch of tests to try to find out exactly what it was from.
The Gamma Knife went pretty well; they say they got everything again. They almost went ahead with the whole brain because they found more lesions, until Pat told them that Nicole was getting married soon, then they said to forget the whole brain, they'll just do the Gamma Knife due to the scheduling. I'm taking a break from chemo because my counts came down, and everything seemed to be normalizing, so Dr. Chui didn't want to create any more havoc. We'll wait until after the wedding, to get scans, then at the next appointment we will discuss options (again), and go from there.
As for our 9-lives Sarah, she and Valerie went skiing with friends two weeks ago. They were dropping some kids off at an apartment and leaned up against a wall that wasn't there. (Her words.) She fell down a story into their car garage, landed on their car (which is fine), and then into a pile of lumber. Valerie got her home, we iced things, gave here some homeopathic Arnica, took her to the ER, and she was dinged up a bit, but ok. They x-rayed her elbow, which had a puncture wound, but no breaks. Our saving grace seemed to be the two college guys waiting in the ER. As Pat and I grilled Sarah..."Now--HOW did you do this again???" They got to listen in and thought she was VERY cool, would have a great story to tell, etc. We laughed for a good 45 minutes. I think the endorphins helped us all a ton. Anyway, she's fine. Ice skating a week later she bit it a few times and it hurt some, but nothing was badly damaged. She had to have one big fat angel watching over and under her!!
Daniel, our 18 year old has Down's Syndrome, and is now is considered "emancipated" in Oregon. We thought it would be a good idea to be able to sign legal forms, documents, etc. for him as we always have, so we applied for guardianship. To do this, they appoint someone to come to your home, check out the people who live with the person, and evaluate whether or not you would be good guardians, whether he really needs it, etc. Now we are waiting for a judge's decision. Should get results in one-two weeks. No stress.
Wedding plans are all made, and now it's the last minute stuff that needs to finally get done. Nicole has this week off, so hopefully it'll all be set for the big day! We're all very excited, especially her fiancee, who is SO happy to not have a curfew anymore. We'd boot him out at 8:30 or 9 PM so we could get the other kids to bed, plus with all these dr. visits, we were often up until 2 AM or so, and we needed to get to bed!! We're getting like really old people around here.
I think that's the latest~ that's plenty anyway.
Love you all very much. Thanks so much for your prayers and notes in the mail, for the offers of help, the meals, etc. We couldn't make it through this season quite so intact (if that's what this is) without you!!
Jeanne
The Gamma Knife went pretty well; they say they got everything again. They almost went ahead with the whole brain because they found more lesions, until Pat told them that Nicole was getting married soon, then they said to forget the whole brain, they'll just do the Gamma Knife due to the scheduling. I'm taking a break from chemo because my counts came down, and everything seemed to be normalizing, so Dr. Chui didn't want to create any more havoc. We'll wait until after the wedding, to get scans, then at the next appointment we will discuss options (again), and go from there.
As for our 9-lives Sarah, she and Valerie went skiing with friends two weeks ago. They were dropping some kids off at an apartment and leaned up against a wall that wasn't there. (Her words.) She fell down a story into their car garage, landed on their car (which is fine), and then into a pile of lumber. Valerie got her home, we iced things, gave here some homeopathic Arnica, took her to the ER, and she was dinged up a bit, but ok. They x-rayed her elbow, which had a puncture wound, but no breaks. Our saving grace seemed to be the two college guys waiting in the ER. As Pat and I grilled Sarah..."Now--HOW did you do this again???" They got to listen in and thought she was VERY cool, would have a great story to tell, etc. We laughed for a good 45 minutes. I think the endorphins helped us all a ton. Anyway, she's fine. Ice skating a week later she bit it a few times and it hurt some, but nothing was badly damaged. She had to have one big fat angel watching over and under her!!
Daniel, our 18 year old has Down's Syndrome, and is now is considered "emancipated" in Oregon. We thought it would be a good idea to be able to sign legal forms, documents, etc. for him as we always have, so we applied for guardianship. To do this, they appoint someone to come to your home, check out the people who live with the person, and evaluate whether or not you would be good guardians, whether he really needs it, etc. Now we are waiting for a judge's decision. Should get results in one-two weeks. No stress.
Wedding plans are all made, and now it's the last minute stuff that needs to finally get done. Nicole has this week off, so hopefully it'll all be set for the big day! We're all very excited, especially her fiancee, who is SO happy to not have a curfew anymore. We'd boot him out at 8:30 or 9 PM so we could get the other kids to bed, plus with all these dr. visits, we were often up until 2 AM or so, and we needed to get to bed!! We're getting like really old people around here.
I think that's the latest~ that's plenty anyway.
Love you all very much. Thanks so much for your prayers and notes in the mail, for the offers of help, the meals, etc. We couldn't make it through this season quite so intact (if that's what this is) without you!!
Jeanne
Monday, January 21, 2008
January's trails
The latest update on scans is that I am scheduled for a Gamma Knife treatment in two days, on January 23rd. They thought I would need whole brain, but decided that since the spots are tiny and accessible via this treatment and that I'd responded well to it twice prior, that I was a "good candidate" again. If I had a lot more, or bigger spots I could still need whole brain (WBR). So, here we go again, but Praise the Lord that this technology is available, and that our insurance ok'd it once more. As per chemo, I'll stay at the 60% dose every two weeks for a while to see if that is both tolerable and effective. At this time, my nails and hair are growing back, and the skin on my feet is peeling only very minimally. It doesn't hurt at all, I have no mouth sores... life's so good!!
Wedding prep is coming along, the date is coming up FAST, and we are in awe of how things are coming together, thanks to so many of you. We've had people volunteer to feed us prior to the wedding, help with hair, dresses, "candid photography", etc. etc., and not only is the practical help appreciated, but the thought and caring is treasured. Thanks. And Thanks, Aunt Lucille, Greg and Kristy for paying for the Mother of the Bride dress, and for Claudia helping to choose it. Shopping for clothes (or anything else) is SOO not the first thing on my mind right now, and I really needed the booster!!
Off to bed-we'll leave Tuesday afternoon, stay in Ptld. overnight and be at Providence at 6 AM, bright eyed (ha) and as ready as possible for this next round of GK. Pat's group from work will be in Portland Tuesday for a couple of days of meetings, so we get to have dinner and go bowling with them Tuesday night.
Pray that this will be a "no brainer" for the radiation oncologists, be VERY effective, and that when they attach the frame to my head, they don't leave behind any "loose screws". Seriously...for even more endurance, peace of mind and the ability to trust the Lord more deeply through this journey. It's been amazing. We continually see His hand through so much. We are entering the fourth year of this, and are in awe that He has seen us through my Dad's cancer and death, Sarah's cancer/healing, my own illness/healing-in process, and that we are still able to cry out to Him and know that in His faithfulness to us, He sees our needs before they arise. We can feel His love for us, and even though it's extremely hard at times, each breath we take is ordained of Him and there is purpose in all of this.
Love you,
Jeanne and the herd.
Wedding prep is coming along, the date is coming up FAST, and we are in awe of how things are coming together, thanks to so many of you. We've had people volunteer to feed us prior to the wedding, help with hair, dresses, "candid photography", etc. etc., and not only is the practical help appreciated, but the thought and caring is treasured. Thanks. And Thanks, Aunt Lucille, Greg and Kristy for paying for the Mother of the Bride dress, and for Claudia helping to choose it. Shopping for clothes (or anything else) is SOO not the first thing on my mind right now, and I really needed the booster!!
Off to bed-we'll leave Tuesday afternoon, stay in Ptld. overnight and be at Providence at 6 AM, bright eyed (ha) and as ready as possible for this next round of GK. Pat's group from work will be in Portland Tuesday for a couple of days of meetings, so we get to have dinner and go bowling with them Tuesday night.
Pray that this will be a "no brainer" for the radiation oncologists, be VERY effective, and that when they attach the frame to my head, they don't leave behind any "loose screws". Seriously...for even more endurance, peace of mind and the ability to trust the Lord more deeply through this journey. It's been amazing. We continually see His hand through so much. We are entering the fourth year of this, and are in awe that He has seen us through my Dad's cancer and death, Sarah's cancer/healing, my own illness/healing-in process, and that we are still able to cry out to Him and know that in His faithfulness to us, He sees our needs before they arise. We can feel His love for us, and even though it's extremely hard at times, each breath we take is ordained of Him and there is purpose in all of this.
Love you,
Jeanne and the herd.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Happy New Year!
It's been an eventful Christmas season for our family...we were able to go to Hawaii finally with the plane tickets that were provided for us a year ago from friends. Unfortunately, we were there in early December when the same storm hit the Northwest. We were able to experience it long distance in Maui. The home that we stayed in had a papaya tree blow down, along with numerous palm fronds, etc. The wind blew the rain so hard it seeped under the master bedroom sliding door/windows. It got so wet, it required pulling out a section of carpet, cutting out the padding underneath, and setting up a dehumidifier and wet/dry vac. to dry the place out. The beaches were closed during the storm, and even a few days afterward. So we spent some time driving around the island, checking out the boats blown up on shore, and doing a little bit of shopping. This was intermingled with putting lots of beach towels down to collect water in that bedroom, and rotating them through the laundry. The home we were in was incredible though. Lots of space for all of us, a large kitchen, pool, outside dining area, a barbecue and a really nice view of the golf course, (wind-swept) ocean, and when the clouds cleared, other islands in the distance. It was great to have the space while it was stormy so everybody could sprawl. The family who let us stay there was incredibly generous-they'd never met us before, and through friends of ours told us it was ok for our entire family to stay there for no charge. Thank You!! Before the storm hit, we were able to swim, snorkel, and boogie board a little, and Sarah drew the wrath of a Puffer Fish that chased her around baring his teeth and looking quite threatening!
We got home from Hawaii, got settled, then began getting ready for Christmas and getting more wedding preparations underway. Christmas day began early, with a few eager beavers wanting to get a jump on things early (6 am) and was very peaceful. New Years was also pretty laid back, with Nicole's fiancee and a couple of other friends coming over to share in it. We actually stayed up until midnight and shot off some fireworks.
As far as health issues go, it's been a bit of a challenge to see what's coming next. A few months ago I was given Taxotere as an IV, and was on Xeloda, an oral chemo drug. This combination gave me mouth sores and thrush which eliminated solid food for a while (liquid diets REALLY aren't as enjoyable.) The skin on my hands and feet peeled off, and left me pretty tender, so I did a lot of couch time. Walking was tough. The doc and we agreed to delay the next scheduled chemo treatment, to give a bit of extra recovery time.
At the next treatment, the doc. tried me on a full dose of Taxotere only, with no Xeloda. We were all filled with great expectations. These hopes were dashed when the mouth sores reappeared, the skin on my hands and feet began to re-peel, and then to top it off my hair came out (after 3 years of chemo, I should have expected this maybe???) and my fingernails and toenails all came off. A true lizard! While I was again on the couch, all the girls spent time trimming my skin with tiny scissors. I left quite a few nails in Hawaii and all over.
Three days after we got home from Hawaii, I had chemo, but this time only received 60% of the regular Taxotere dose. This seems to be very tolerable. All of the stuff that I was doing before-the salt water mouth rinses, two other special mouth sore preps a couple times/day, and slathering up with lotions of all kinds- helped me tolerate the reduced side-effects. The acupuncture treatments twice per week also are helping. I felt like I had more energy than I'd had in a year!!
Despite all of the side effects, the big question is: is the chemo working? I had scans this last week, and will get them interpreted tomorrow (Monday, jan 7th) at our appointment with the medical oncologist. As per my non-trained "how to read the scan report" eye, it looks like there was just a little bit of cancerous growth in my liver. The bones are doing pretty good, but there are more spots in the brain. The doctor may suggest either the Gamma Knife again or whole brain radiation. Of course there's the option of none of the above.
I believe there is a new drug combination that can be fairly effective against brain mets, but I don't know how long it takes to kick in, and as with any chemo combo, it's not possible for me to know if it will be effective. These are questions we'll kick around with the medical onc. as well as the radiation oncologist, the acupuncturist, and hopefully Jonathan, the herbalist. Toward the end of the year, the med. oncs. have a big conference where they review all the new and improved treatment options, so maybe the oncologist will have some other tricks up his sleeve.
Hope you all had a great Christmas, and that the New Year will bring blessings, grace, and peace to you all. Once we have a more concrete plan of action, and a more definitive interpretation of the scans, we'll let you know-as always, keep those prayers a comin', and treasure each day with one another.
Thanks for being a part of our lives. Lots of love to you all,
Jeanne
We got home from Hawaii, got settled, then began getting ready for Christmas and getting more wedding preparations underway. Christmas day began early, with a few eager beavers wanting to get a jump on things early (6 am) and was very peaceful. New Years was also pretty laid back, with Nicole's fiancee and a couple of other friends coming over to share in it. We actually stayed up until midnight and shot off some fireworks.
As far as health issues go, it's been a bit of a challenge to see what's coming next. A few months ago I was given Taxotere as an IV, and was on Xeloda, an oral chemo drug. This combination gave me mouth sores and thrush which eliminated solid food for a while (liquid diets REALLY aren't as enjoyable.) The skin on my hands and feet peeled off, and left me pretty tender, so I did a lot of couch time. Walking was tough. The doc and we agreed to delay the next scheduled chemo treatment, to give a bit of extra recovery time.
At the next treatment, the doc. tried me on a full dose of Taxotere only, with no Xeloda. We were all filled with great expectations. These hopes were dashed when the mouth sores reappeared, the skin on my hands and feet began to re-peel, and then to top it off my hair came out (after 3 years of chemo, I should have expected this maybe???) and my fingernails and toenails all came off. A true lizard! While I was again on the couch, all the girls spent time trimming my skin with tiny scissors. I left quite a few nails in Hawaii and all over.
Three days after we got home from Hawaii, I had chemo, but this time only received 60% of the regular Taxotere dose. This seems to be very tolerable. All of the stuff that I was doing before-the salt water mouth rinses, two other special mouth sore preps a couple times/day, and slathering up with lotions of all kinds- helped me tolerate the reduced side-effects. The acupuncture treatments twice per week also are helping. I felt like I had more energy than I'd had in a year!!
Despite all of the side effects, the big question is: is the chemo working? I had scans this last week, and will get them interpreted tomorrow (Monday, jan 7th) at our appointment with the medical oncologist. As per my non-trained "how to read the scan report" eye, it looks like there was just a little bit of cancerous growth in my liver. The bones are doing pretty good, but there are more spots in the brain. The doctor may suggest either the Gamma Knife again or whole brain radiation. Of course there's the option of none of the above.
I believe there is a new drug combination that can be fairly effective against brain mets, but I don't know how long it takes to kick in, and as with any chemo combo, it's not possible for me to know if it will be effective. These are questions we'll kick around with the medical onc. as well as the radiation oncologist, the acupuncturist, and hopefully Jonathan, the herbalist. Toward the end of the year, the med. oncs. have a big conference where they review all the new and improved treatment options, so maybe the oncologist will have some other tricks up his sleeve.
Hope you all had a great Christmas, and that the New Year will bring blessings, grace, and peace to you all. Once we have a more concrete plan of action, and a more definitive interpretation of the scans, we'll let you know-as always, keep those prayers a comin', and treasure each day with one another.
Thanks for being a part of our lives. Lots of love to you all,
Jeanne