Our Anniversary is coming soon. It would be 27 years of marriage if Jeanne were alive. Yet, I still feel married, and still wear my wedding ring. I keep her wedding ring on my key chain.The photo was taken on our wedding day, Aug 9th, 1981, atop Mary's Peak, which is West of Corvallis.
The pastor who officiated called it the "Field Fairy " wedding. I still contend Jeanne and I were not hippies. Looking at our photos, and the lifestyle we led, I can see why arguing with anyone is futile.
Looking back over the last few months, I realize I was running on adrenaline the first month after Jeanne died. I slept little, and I kept myself constantly busy. After I returned to work, and things became routine, at least a new routine, fatigue began to hit hard. I still tried to maintain the same pace, and my body and heart (soul) had other plans. Now, I am trying to give myself the freedom to slow down, and not expect so much of myself. But, I do not do it consistently.
I have been attending a support group, as well as seeing a counselor/chaplain on occasion. I had no idea this would be this hard. In fact, it seems to be getting harder, not easier. Everything I read, and hear from others tells me everything I am experiencing is normal. Is that supposed to be a relief?
To those of you that I see and run into, thank you for your understanding and consideration as I sometimes avoid you, and other times talk your ear off.
Pat
