The spotlight moves to Sarah, now, literally. She participated in the Oregon State Fair 4H Fashion Revue last weekend.
We have attached a link to the Statesman-Journal newspaper's website that has a photo of her in action: http://www.statesmanjournal.com/apps/pbcs.dll/gallery?Site=J0&Date=20080823&Category=STATEFAIR&ArtNo=808230804&Ref=PH&Params=Itemnr=18
The dress she modeled is the dress she made, and wore, for Nicole's wedding in February. As well, she and another girl from our town were responsible for organizing this year's event at the State Fair.
Good Job Sarah.
Pat (proud Dad)
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why...did Jeanne have to die? Why did she die, and not someone else? Why did she get cancer? Why did she live 48 years, and not 88? or 68, or 18 or 8? *
Why...did such a beautiful person, who so lovingly touched so many people, and was only beginning to touch so many others, die?
Why?
Why?
Why?
A chaplain/friend said I am asking the unanswerable question. He said this side of heaven, I will never know the answer. As much as I know his statement is true, it does not satisfy my need. In fact, like so many of my recent experiences, there is a huge disconnect between the answers that my head understands, and my heart comprehends. I wonder if this is more difficult for me because I tend toward the cerebral, while grief emanates from the soul.
I visited Mary's Peak on our anniversary. It was a very emotionally draining and cathartic time. The Peak has always been a special place for Jeanne and I. As I was leaving, I found my self saying goodbye. Goodbye to our memories there, to the significance of that special place, and yes, I even said goodbye to Jeanne. Everything in my spirit has resisted acknowledging she is gone. (the old head/heart struggle again.) But, she is gone physically. Not since the memorial service have I felt such a release, nor has her absence been so dramatic.
Pat
* I may seem ungrateful for the years I did have with her. For those who have endured the loss of a very young person, I apologize if I seem insensitive.
Why?
Why?
Why...did Jeanne have to die? Why did she die, and not someone else? Why did she get cancer? Why did she live 48 years, and not 88? or 68, or 18 or 8? *
Why...did such a beautiful person, who so lovingly touched so many people, and was only beginning to touch so many others, die?
Why?
Why?
Why?
A chaplain/friend said I am asking the unanswerable question. He said this side of heaven, I will never know the answer. As much as I know his statement is true, it does not satisfy my need. In fact, like so many of my recent experiences, there is a huge disconnect between the answers that my head understands, and my heart comprehends. I wonder if this is more difficult for me because I tend toward the cerebral, while grief emanates from the soul.
I visited Mary's Peak on our anniversary. It was a very emotionally draining and cathartic time. The Peak has always been a special place for Jeanne and I. As I was leaving, I found my self saying goodbye. Goodbye to our memories there, to the significance of that special place, and yes, I even said goodbye to Jeanne. Everything in my spirit has resisted acknowledging she is gone. (the old head/heart struggle again.) But, she is gone physically. Not since the memorial service have I felt such a release, nor has her absence been so dramatic.
Pat
* I may seem ungrateful for the years I did have with her. For those who have endured the loss of a very young person, I apologize if I seem insensitive.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Anniversary
Our Anniversary is coming soon. It would be 27 years of marriage if Jeanne were alive. Yet, I still feel married, and still wear my wedding ring. I keep her wedding ring on my key chain.The photo was taken on our wedding day, Aug 9th, 1981, atop Mary's Peak, which is West of Corvallis.
The pastor who officiated called it the "Field Fairy " wedding. I still contend Jeanne and I were not hippies. Looking at our photos, and the lifestyle we led, I can see why arguing with anyone is futile.
Looking back over the last few months, I realize I was running on adrenaline the first month after Jeanne died. I slept little, and I kept myself constantly busy. After I returned to work, and things became routine, at least a new routine, fatigue began to hit hard. I still tried to maintain the same pace, and my body and heart (soul) had other plans. Now, I am trying to give myself the freedom to slow down, and not expect so much of myself. But, I do not do it consistently.
I have been attending a support group, as well as seeing a counselor/chaplain on occasion. I had no idea this would be this hard. In fact, it seems to be getting harder, not easier. Everything I read, and hear from others tells me everything I am experiencing is normal. Is that supposed to be a relief?
To those of you that I see and run into, thank you for your understanding and consideration as I sometimes avoid you, and other times talk your ear off.
Pat
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Athletes in Action!
What a fun weekend! On Saturday, Daniel ran the 100 and 200 meter dash at the State Special Olympics in Hillsboro. Then on Sunday, my son Robert, and I rode together in the Livestrong Challenge.
Pictured are:
- Daniel crossing the finish line in the 200.
- Robert and I after the bike ride.
(thank you Sarah for the photos)
Thank you all for your donations and support for our ride, and more importantly, in helping fight cancer.
Thank you,
Pat